I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
