i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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