I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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