The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
