I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
