Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize