Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
