There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
