well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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