those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
