hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
