rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
