I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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