It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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