Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
