Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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