I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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