where am i from again
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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