i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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