do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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