SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
