Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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