So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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