M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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