I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
