I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
