Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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