ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
