I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
