Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
