You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
