ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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