Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize