Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
