I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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