she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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