are you still at the devil's house?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize