I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
