Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
