Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
