i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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