I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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