rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
