If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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