Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
