Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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