I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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