Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
