u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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