If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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