Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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