We're like a lot better than the average bears
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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