dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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