Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize