I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
No stitches, just platelets and will power
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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