Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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