does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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