The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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