dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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