I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
