i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
