I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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