i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
