Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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