he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize