how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
