So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
