So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
