he referred to my room as the tit cave...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
