shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
