there was a trapeze. enough said
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
