We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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