that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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